Old men and throwing up are my life now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
