thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
