I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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