I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
