Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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