Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
id be glad to
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize