dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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