you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
