how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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