i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
