May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
