I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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