She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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