matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
