It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
