Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
