Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
