so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
