Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
