im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
