Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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