so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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