I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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