At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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