no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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