I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
