You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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