She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
