party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
