Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
