you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
try to milk me bitch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
