I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
