I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
