Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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