This is not my ceiling
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
