The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this will be a night to untag.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
