Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
