just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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