I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
