What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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