we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
