So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
