When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
