I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
