This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
