Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
