Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
