So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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