When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
