So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize