I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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