There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I love having hate sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
