I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
