She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
