nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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