You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
