Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
