my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize