ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i love accidental penises.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Randomize
