in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
