Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
