I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
