Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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