just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
