I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
