yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
