i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
