I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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