i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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