Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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